I’ve been reflecting on my transition away from corporate life, and one thing stands out: I was raised to assert my needs and seek clarity. My French background and confidence often made me stand out in professional settings.
Interestingly, I’ve been labeled “scary” by other women—despite their admiration for my assertiveness. This reveals something important about how we perceive directness.
Here’s what I believe: Life is too short to relinquish control over the aspects within our grasp. Voice your thoughts. Seek clarity. Don’t simply accept circumstances when you have the power to influence them.
The Taxi Metaphor
Imagine you’re in a taxi and the driver is speeding. You have three options:
- Accept the situation silently
- Overthink a response without speaking
- Politely request the driver slow down
I always choose the third option. This is a metaphor for life: you must actively participate rather than remain a passive passenger.
The Neuroscience of Speaking Up
Understanding why speaking up feels difficult helps us overcome the resistance:
The amygdala triggers fear responses when we consider asserting ourselves. It perceives social risk and activates our threat response.
The prefrontal cortex can override these reactions through conscious effort. This is the rational part of your brain that knows speaking up is usually safe.
Dopamine reinforces assertive behavior. When you speak up and it goes well, your brain rewards you, making it easier next time.
The ventromedial prefrontal cortex helps us weigh risks versus benefits. With practice, it learns that the benefits of speaking up typically outweigh the risks.
The Path Forward
Speaking up is a skill that improves with practice. Each time you voice your thoughts, you’re rewiring your brain to make it easier the next time.
Start small. Practice in low-stakes situations. Notice how often your fears don’t materialize.
Because in the end, the bigger risk isn’t speaking up—it’s staying silent and never discovering what might have been possible.