It’s time we changed the conversation
Over my years of coaching extraordinary women, from my tenure at Amazon Web Services to now, I've seen a recurring theme. Brilliant, driven women who are tangled up in their own thoughts. They acknowledge their patterns, yearn to break free, but seem perpetually stuck in a revolving door of the same old routines. It's as if they're entrapped in a self-fulfilling prophecy, held captive by their self-assigned labels like "I'm not strong enough" or "I get upset too easily".
The fascinating neuroscience behind our brains reveals that the more we believe and reinforce a certain behavior, the more deep-rooted it becomes. But remember, you weren't always like this, were you?
Our behaviors are molded by our environments, and influenced by the company we keep. This isn't a comforting platitude, but a fact borne out of my ongoing studies in Psychology and Neuroscience at King's College. If you don't like who you've become, it's empowering to know that you have the power to change.
And that's where I step in as a coach. My role isn't to be your friend, it's to illuminate the intricate workings of your mind, enabling you to see beyond your feelings. The more you comprehend your brain, the more power you wield over it. And yes, you can rewire your brain! It's not a walk in the park, but it's definitely achievable.
So, what's the job of a coach? I'm here to steer you and ensure you stay on course. Most women are self-aware, they know what needs to change, but often struggle to initiate or strategize. I offer the tools and insights to catalyze the change you desire. But remember, you're at the helm. You're the architect of your transformation.
If you're fed up with the repetitive internal dialogue, let's roll up our sleeves and get down to business. Authentic change takes time. It's easy to overestimate what can be accomplished in a year and underestimate the strides that can be made in three.
I propose periodic breaks from coaching, giving you the space to assimilate and implement what you've learned. For instance, an initial intensive three-month coaching period, followed by six months of independent application, supplemented with one-on-one sessions as required.
Everyone's path is unique. We all encounter periods of feeling 'stuck' or caught in a loop. A coach is akin to a knowledgeable companion on a challenging hike, making your journey smoother, more enjoyable, and less uncertain.
A coach isn’t a dictator of actions, but more like a mirror, reflecting your thoughts and enabling you to view yourself from fresh angles. They assist you in delving beneath the layers of societal expectations, past experiences, and self-imposed restrictions, revealing the authentic you.
Your coach is your steadfast ally, cheering you on as you venture outside your comfort zone, holding you accountable, and reminding you of your aspirations, your dreams, and your vision.
Engaging a coach isn't an admission of weakness or incompetence. It's a powerful statement that you're prepared to invest in yourself, seize control of your life, and navigate towards a future of your own design.
In life's journey, you're not just a passenger. You're in the driver's seat, and with a coach by your side, it's going to be one unforgettable ride. Ready to take the wheel?
Practical exercise for this week: put your phone down, log out of Netflix and take a few minutes for yourself.
In the journey of self-discovery, we often stumble upon hidden roadblocks - limiting beliefs that silently shape our life's trajectory. Unraveling them isn't easy, but it's the first step towards regaining control of your narrative. Think of your belief system as a mystical tree - with roots deep-seated in the soil of your subconscious mind, and branches reaching out, shaping your life in seen and unseen ways. The Belief Tree Exercise allows you to dive into these roots, identify limiting beliefs, and understand their impact on your life (trunk). But it doesn't stop there. It helps you imagine new possibilities (branches) and cultivate empowering beliefs (leaves).
1. Roots - Identify Your Limiting Beliefs: picture your belief system as a tree. The roots represent your limiting beliefs - they're often hidden, but they feed into everything above ground. Reflect and write down your limiting beliefs as roots in your journal or on a piece of paper.
2. Trunk - Recognize How These Beliefs Impact You: the trunk of the tree represents your life and how it's shaped by your beliefs. Reflect on how each limiting belief impacts your emotions, behaviors, and overall life. Write these next to each root.
3. Branches - Identify The Possible Outcomes: the branches are the possible outcomes or life paths. Think about how your life might be different if you didn't hold these limiting beliefs. Write down these 'new growth' opportunities as branches sprouting from the trunk.
4. Leaves - Create New Empowering Beliefs: the leaves represent new, empowering beliefs. For each limiting belief (root), create a new, positive belief that serves your growth and write it down as a leaf on a corresponding branch.
5. Visualize Your New Tree: with time and consistent practice of nurturing your new beliefs (watering your new tree), you'll see changes in your life (the shape and direction of your tree).
The science behind this
I get immense satisfaction from helping women harness their potential, providing practical tools that can transform their lives. But my curiosity extends beyond coaching, reaching into the fascinating complexities of our brain and biology. As I'm currently immersing myself in the world of Psychology and Neuroscience for my Masters, I'm eager to share these insights with you.
In every article, I devote a special section to 'Neuroscience Nuggets.' This segment sheds light on the fascinating science happening within your brain, linked to the strategies and exercises I discuss. My conviction is that the key to controlling our behaviors and reactions lies in understanding their biological origins.
While the journey of self-discovery and transformation might seem like an intangible, emotional process, it's grounded in very tangible, physical changes in our brains. It's all down to a principle known as neuroplasticity, the brain's incredible ability to reshape itself based on our thoughts, experiences, and behaviors.
When we engage in practices like the Belief Tree Exercise, we're effectively becoming brain sculptors, shaping our minds in ways that serve us better. Let's break down what's happening behind the scenes:
Brain Workout: every time you challenge a limiting belief and replace it with a positive one, you're giving your brain a little workout. Much like a muscle, the more you 'exercise' your brain in this way, the stronger and more flexible it becomes. This is neuroplasticity at work!
Habit Highway: imagine your brain as a dense forest, and each thought or belief is a path through that forest. The more you tread the same path (or think the same thoughts), the clearer and more well-worn it becomes. This is how habits form. But here's the good news: just like you can carve a new path in the forest, you can form new habits by consistently thinking new, positive thoughts.
Emotional Management: our brains have a sophisticated system for processing emotions. By understanding our emotional responses and consciously shifting them towards more positive reactions, we can influence our thoughts and behaviors. It's like learning to ride the waves instead of being swept away by them.
Mindfulness and Metacognition: these might sound like big words, but they're simple concepts. Mindfulness is all about staying fully present and engaged in the current moment, not lost in the past or the future. And metacognition? That's just a fancy way of saying "thinking about thinking." Both of these practices help us become more aware of our thought patterns, which is the first step to changing them.
So, while it might feel like you're just doing an exercise, you're actually harnessing the power of neuroscience to bring about real, lasting change. Your brain is an amazing tool, and you're more in control of it than you might think. By understanding and leveraging these principles, you can transform not just your thoughts and beliefs, but your entire life.
